Create in me a clean heart O God and Renew a steadfast spirit within me. -Psalm 51

And Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” – John 8: 12

Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. -Psalm 119

Even though we have been Zooming for what seems like forever, most of you will remember the antique Arts & Crafts lamp that was sitting on my church desk. (It’s in storage now with all the thefts we have had during the pandemic). Some of you know from my previous sermoning that lamp is special to me because it disappeared off my desk in a congregation, I served over a decade ago as an Interim Senior Minister. It was a community that was fraught with difficulties and breaches of trust. I was upset- and was grieved to lose the lamp at the time. But I was so relieved to find some solid ground after good hard work with that Beloved Community, and to wrap up that challenging call that I forgot about it- until a couple years ago- when a woman from that community texted me with a photo and said, “I think this lamp I found in the back of the church closet when I was cleaning belongs to you.” Sure enough, it did. And much to my surprise, she wanted to make arrangements to come to my house and bring it back to me.

We greeted each other like old friends, and she sat the lamp down on my dining room table. It was beat up, badly bent, had several holes in the mica shade, and didn’t work anymore. But we had a lovely, healing conversation for nearly three hours. I shared with her that when that call had ended, I had done a significant amount of therapy and spiritual direction work around my bruising experiences and was able to move into my next calling (at United Church of Hayward) as a more integrated, better Minister. I shared with her that although it was painful, I had come to a place where I was grateful to the congregation for all the things I had learned. She also shared her story and sadness about that time. And when she left the space was good and clear between us.

I suggested in my sermon last Sunday that I am a “natural renewer.” Renewing things, (vintage rusty stuff, antique furniture, garden planter boxes, Spiritual Direction clients, Beloved Spiritual Communities, old lamps, myself) is part of my calling. So, in keeping with that, I started salvaging the lamp. I carefully patched the punctured shade, and hand hammered the dents out with a rubber mallet as best as I could. I was afraid to bend it too much because it was a fragile antique. So, it ended up a little lopsided and not perfect. But as I rewired it, and finished my work, something powerful happened inside me when I screwed in a new bulb and pulled the chain. Light filled the room, and joy and tears welled up in me along with it. I felt my Spirit lighten and as I sat there sipping my jasmine tea, with tears streaming down my face, looking at that soft golden light- I felt deeply grateful.

Forgiveness and the renewal it can provide are mysterious things (We had a powerful worship experience about God as “mystery” recently). We hold trauma in our bodies. And sometimes when we forgive others and ourselves, it might happen all at once, but more than likely, we have to let go of things in layers. We might even think we are done with the forgiveness process, and don’t even know another layer is there. But then when we touch it, the lifegiving energy locked up in the trauma rushes back to us and gives the Holy Spirit more room to move. I think this is such an important lifelong spiritual practice and process for us on the Jesus Way- and likely the reason why Jesus said what he did to Peter about forgiving “seventy times seven” times. (Matthew 18: 21-22) Sometimes there are that many layers of trauma trapped in us, we have to let them go one by one so the energy and light can return to us again- So we can up our light quotient, be renewed, and live into our calling to be people of the resurrection.

As your Minister, Teacher, and (Still!) Zoom Host, I believe God and the Universe will conspire to find very surprising ways to support us in this Holy transformative work. It is my prayer in this strange and disorienting “not knowing” (Covid19, earthquake, flood, Afghanistan withdrawal, misinformation, drought, Climate Catastrophe, Northern California wildfire) season that you will experience forgiveness, healing, and release in your Spirit in all the ways that you need. And that whatever light you have lost along your way will find its way home to you and light your path. So you can more fully embody the rich light and fertile darkness of all that is Holy, and be renewed as God’s hands, eyes, feet, and hearts in the world when the world needs it most desperately.

Much Love and Renewed Blessings, Rev. Jeanne